When Tohru's Away, The Sohma Family Will WHAT!
by Sadistic Tensai
Summary: What do the boys do when Tohru's not around? Find out the Sohma family's true obsession! OneShot guaranteed to make you laugh...or your money back! NOW UPDATED!
1. Future Sailor Scouts

I hope you all enjoy this story!! I have to thank my lil sis for the inspiration!! ::bows down before her:: If you read please review!! I'd love to hear what you think of this!! I hope you enjoy!! :)

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The bright morning sky was a beautiful blue as Hatori Sohma walked onto the porch of the house. From inside he could hear loud music playing and the voices inside sounded very loud as well. Hatori sighed. Why did he always have to be the one to pick up Ayame, Haru and Momiji…why couldn't they just walk home on their own? Nevertheless, he went to knock on the door, hoping that at least someone inside there would hear him.

Just as his hand made contact with the door, it drifted open slightly. _Unlocked…as usual, _thought Hatori. He slowly opened the door and walked inside. He could hear the music now louder than ever and it seemed to him as if people were singing along. _What the hell are they doing now?_ Hatori wondered. As he drew closer to the room with the loud music he could faintly make out some of the words in the song.

_Fighting evil by moonlight…_

_Winning love by daylight…_

" A-Ayame?" stammered Hatori at the sound of his cousin's voice.

_Never running from a real fight…_

" HARU?" gasped Hatori in shock. He flung open the door.

_She is the one named Sailor Moon!_

" Oh dear god…" muttered Hatori as he witnessed the spectacle in front of him. Aya, Shigure, Kyo, Yuki, Haru and Momiji were dressed in Sailor Moon dresses, no doubt made especially for them by Ayame.

Kyo struck a pose. " She will never turn her back on a friend!"

Yuki ran over to him and leaned his back against Kyo's striking an equally lame pose. " She is always there to defend!"

Haru squatted down next to Yuki and wrapped his arms around the young boy's leg. " She is the one on whom we can depend!"

Momiji ran over in front of the three boys and slid on his knees raising his arms up as he sang, " She is the one named Sailoooooooor..."

Ayame jumped up onto Shigure's couch. " Sailor Venus!"

Shigure jumped onto the coffee table and raised his right arm into the air. " Sailor Mercury!"

" Sailor Mars!" cried Momiji pretending he was flying as Haru lifted the boy high into the air.

" Sailor Jupiter!" sung Kyo as Yuki kneeled down and began to bow to the orange haired sailor scout.

" With secret powers all so new to her!" everyone sung in unison as they ran around the living room, their short skirts fluttering up and down, eventually ending up in a straight line.

" She is the one named Sailor Moon!" they cried as they pointed towards the television.

Hatori watched on in shock as everyone began to dance around during the musical interlude. Yuki was waltzing with Aya? Haru and Kyo were doing the tango? Were Shigure and Momiji actually doing the salsa? Is this what they do when Tohru's not around? Suddenly the group of six began to sing again.

" Fighting evil by moonlight!" sung Kyo as he pretended to fight Momiji.

" Winning love by daylight!" cried Haru as he ran over to Yuki and wrapped his arms around the boy's neck.

" With her Sailor Scouts to help her fight!" chimed in Shigure and Aya as they grabbed each other's hands and stared into each other's eyes.

" She is the one named Sailor Moon!" sung everyone as they ran into their ending pose. Kyo stood in the center. Yuki stood on his right leaning up against him with his arms crossed. Haru stood on Kyo's left striking the same pose as Yuki. Aya kneeled down in front of Yuki, as Shigure kneeled down in front of Haru. Momiji stood directly in front of Kyo between Aya and Shigure.

" She is the one named Sailor Moon!" they cried as they lowered their heads getting ready for their big finish.

" She is the one…Sailor Moon!"

The six wannabe scouts nervously looked over towards the doorway to see Hatori striking his own pose as he finished blurting out the last line of the song. Their jaws dropped.

Hatori looked at his family. " What?"


	2. When Akito's Alone

Okay, a lot of people asked for a sequel, and I really wanted to write one, but it was REALLY hard to try and come up with something as good as Sailor Moon. So what's a writer to do? Flashback to their own childhood of course!! Well, not that I actually _did_ this...but I did love this show! So, hopefully you'll enjoy this one as much as the first one and if not, well I do have another one in mind that I'll start shortly okay?!? Thanks for reading and reviewing, I love you all!! hugs

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" Akito? Are you alright?" asked Hatori as he peeked into Akito's room to find him lying outside on the porch like usual.  
" Yes I'm fine Hatori, now leave me alone," snapped Akito as he pulled his blanket up rather hastily over himself.

Hatori slid the door shut with a small sigh and walked back down the hallway. Akito waited for a moment and then carefully rolled over to make sure the coast was clear. He watched the door for a brief second and listened carefully for any sound that someone may be nearby. Feeling that he may, in fact, be alone, he carefully reached down underneath the porch and pulled out a long blond wig with a small plastic gold headpiece attached to it. He fixed the wig happily on his head and gave a small smirk. He reached down under the porch once more to reveal a long red cape, which he tied carefully around his neck. He walked over to the closet and quietly pulled out a small television and plugged it in. He went back to the closet and grabbed a large, pink fluffy horse and set it down beside him in front of the T.V.

He quickly checked his watch. " Right on time," he whispered. He flipped to the desired channel and stood up straight. He dropped his blanket off to reveal a small white dress and long gold arm bracelets. The show started as Akito felt his anticipation grow. He couldn't hold back any longer.

" She-ra, She-ra!" he shouted, singing along to the lyrics.

He stood straight with his arms placed gallantly on his hips. " I am Adora, He-man's twin sister," he swung his arms outwards as if he was showing the world his beautiful 'palace' as he finished, " and defender of the Crystal Castle."

Akito knelt down beside the pink horse and began to pet it gently on its head. " This is Spirit, my beloved steed."

He stood up quickly and as if talking to an imaginary audience cried, " Fabulous secrets were revealed to me the day I held aloft my sword and said..."

Akito grabbed his large silver plastic sword and held it above his head triumphantly and yelled, " FOR THE HONOUR OF GREYSKULL!"

As the music picked up again, he began to strike strange fighting style poses. " She-ra, She-ra!" he cried pretending to defend himself against an imaginary foe.

"She...Ra..." he sang swinging the sword around in a circle.

" She-ra, She-ra," he cried thrusting his sword towards the television. He raised the sword above his head, grasping it with both hands. He quickly tapped a small red button with his finger causing bright pink lights to flash throughout the sword. " I AM SHE-RA!"

He raised a slender finger towards his lips as he whispered, " Only a few others share this secret. Among them are Lightfoot," Akito pulled out three small doll with tiny fabric swords meticulously sewn into their hands from his tangled blanket on the floor and held one of them towards the television as the music made a 'crashing' sound signifying Lightfoot's appearance.

" Madame Razz," he held up yet another doll in perfect time to the music. Then the third doll, " and Kowl."

He clutched the dolls tightly against his chest as he continued, " Together, we and my friends of the Great Rebellion strive to free Esteria," Akito dropped the dolls and raised his sword in front of himself and began to slash the air. " From the evil forces of Horde!"

" She-ra," he cried leaping onto the pink horse and raising his sword victoriously into the air ready for the big finish, " SHE-RA!"

Once the theme ended, Akito was able to hear footsteps coming back down the hallway. He quickly threw everything back into the closet, grabbed his blanket and bolted towards the porch hastily throwing his precious wig back underneath the porch. He made it just in time as Hatori opened the door to his room.

" Akito, it's time for your check-up."

" Give me a minute," snapped Akito. Hatori left, giving Akito a precious few moments to change out of his beloved outfit. Akito smiled contentedly to himself as he made his way towards Hatori's office. He sat down as Hatori placed a rather cold stethoscope against Akito's chest. The check-up took only a few moments, and once finished, Hatori sat down at his desk to resume his work.

" Not bad," he said as Akito slid open the door to leave. " But personally, I was a bigger fan of He-man."


	3. The OneMan School Defense Force

No, you're not dreaming, I actually updated! It took me forever to finally settle on the next song and I'm sure there are quite a few people that have never heard of this one as wellbut if you search for it, I'm sure you'll find it. I honestly just couldn't resist using this song/show. So I bring more crack and OOC'ness and I hope you'll enjoy it as much as the others...really I do lol Thanks for taking the time to read this and comments are loved 3

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"Thunder Cats? No...too vague. G.I. Joe? Possibly..." mumbled Kakeru, scribbling it down in the notebook in front of him, a deep, concerntrated expression on his face.

"What are you doing?" said Yuki in an I'm-not-sure-I-even-want-know sort of tone, glancing up from the paperwork on his desk.

Kakeru looked up from his page, chewing ravenously on the end of his pen. "Theme song," he grunted beforeturning his attention back, "Maybe the A-team...but it doesn't really have any lyrics we can sing...Oh! The Care Bears!...Ugh, but it's _so_ childish..."

Yuki narrowed his eyes a little. "Theme song...? What exactly is this for?" he asked cautiously, giving Kakeru the benefit of the doubt thinking that if it was at least for school he wouldn't have to kill him for slacking off once again.

Kakeru groaned, making it appear that Yuki was interrupting his very important thought process, although in Kakeru's eyes that was exactly what he was doing. "The School Defense Force. We need something catchy...something they can play over the annoucements when there's an enemy. Maybe you can even get your brother to make-"

"Get out! Ifyou're not going to do work then _GET OUT_!"seethed Yuki, getting to his feet like if Kakeru didn't get moving he was going to physically throw him out.

"FINE! YOU'RE INTERRUPTING ME ANYWAY!" Kakeru spat back, clutching his notebook tight to his chest as he stormed out of the student council office, slamming the door closed behind himself.

Yuki sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair in frustration. His eyes flicked down to the top drawer of his desk then back up to the door. He was almost definately sure Kakeru was gone. It wasn't like he was going to come back and apologize right? Yuki, knowing he was just being paranoid, walked over to the door, silently sliding it open and took a long look down both sides of the hallway. He was gone. Yuki smirked slightly and closed the door once more, eyeing the small stereo on top of the bookshelf. He hurried over to his desk drawer, pulling it open. He rummaged underneath a few papers then produced a small cassette tape. He popped it into the stereo, taking another cautious glance at the door.

It wasn't that he, himself, hadn't thought of a theme song, it just wasn't something he was about to share with everyone. He quickly slipped into the storage room, searching through a box labled 'History Books' because he'd been sure no one would ever look in it, and pulled out a long red cape. He tied it around his neck before hurrying back out to the council office. Yuki pressed play on the stereo and moved into the middle of the room, wrapping the cape around himself as the music started.

"Mr. Trouble never hangs around..." he sang out in a quite serious voice. "When he hears this mighty sound..."

"HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!" cried Yuki, jumping up onto Kakeru's chair, flinging his arms out to the side so his cape flew out gracefully. "That means that Mighty Mouse, is on the way!"

"Yessir, when there is a wrong to right!" he sang, stomping his foot in time to the beat. "Mighty Mouse will join the fiiiiiiiight!"

Yuki placed his hands gallantly on his hips, raising his chin into the air. "On the sea or on the land! He gets the situation well in hand!"

He jumped off the chair, pulling his cape up around his face, peering almost evilly over top of it. "So though we are in danger, we never dispare...because we know where there is danger, he is there!"

"He is there...on the land...on the sea...in the air..." he ecohed again, clasping his hands to his chest and sighing wistfully like an adoring fangirl.

"We're not worryin' at all!" he sang out, "We're just listenin' for his call."

Yuki leapt up onto his desk, scattering his papers everywhere, hands on his hips once again as he looked down at his imaginary adoring fans. "HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!"

"That means that Mighty Mouse is on the way," he finished with a nod of his head as he elegantly jumped off his desk and began marching around the office to the instrumental break, thrusting his fist into the air triumphantly in time with the music, his long cape billowing out behind him.

"We're not worrying at all!" he continued when the vocals picked back up, "We're just listening for his call!"

"HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!" he cried as loudly as he could, jumping onto the bookshelf and leaning outwards, holding the top shelf with one hand while his other arm panned over the room.

"That means that Mighty Mouse is on the waaaaaaaay!" he sang, leaping down from the bookshelf, sliding on his knees into the center of the room as he brought his arms up into the arm for his big finish, suddenly noticing a pair of familiar eyes glaring at him through the window of the main door.

Kakeru slid the door open, looking betrayed and hurt. "Just because you're the president does _not_ mean you get your own song!" he growled, storming into the room and grabbing his bag that he'd forgotten before stomping back out, pausing just inside the doorway.

"And you better have a black cape for me by tomorrow," he added, slamming the door behind himself as he left.


End file.
